Friday 23 November 2012
Fridays off!!! Wooo
Tis Friday, I've had the day off today. I always tell myself that on my week-days off I will do loads.
Go out and meet friends, go to lunch, stroll round the town with my nice pushchair and pretty baby - this will obviously be after I have cleaned my home from top to bottom.
Ok, so I've done none of these things.
In an effort to make up for it, I have rearranged my living room - with twilight in the background!!
I'm not sure I like it though!!
I am getting concerned that one day I will be old, and have wasted my days off! But that would mean removing my exercise shy backside off the sofa.....
Humm next week - I will definitely do something, but what??
Cliquey mum's and tots group? -not really my thing. Stroll in the park? - It will inevitably piss it down the moment I step out of my front door... Lunch? Obviously this will do the diet I can't stick to no good!
What I tend to do is bad, really bad. Online shopping, the world at my finger tips!!! A black hole in my bank account... but at least I have my under make-up primer!! OOOphs!
Will obviously go out next time.....
Sunday 18 November 2012
The Red Bag
Most women will know what I mean....
The bag, the back-breaking, shoulder-aching, faster way to get arthritis bag.
The red bag was given to me 3 year years ago by Nan. She claimed the bag was a birthday present. My Nan gave me the bag in September, by birthday is in November. She gave me something else for my birthday so this wasn't actually a present. It turns out the fake birthday present was my Nan saving her skin. My Nan had actually had an expensive bag-buying phase courtesy of QVC. While my Grandad is oblivious to most things, he's not stupid.
I love this bag, but the love of this bag seems to have started a frozen shoulder.
This leads me to ponder... why do we love things that are bad for us?
Men, shoes, smoking, alcohol, chocolate, expensive make-up...
Fortunately I am lucky enough to not have a problem with the first item on my list. Several of my friends however, do.
As I clean out my bag (machine washable - Thank the lord!), I come across receipts, lip gloss - that I thought I had lost, a baby feeding spoon, small change (very small sadly), the odd pen.
As I go through the shrapnel and other crap, it reminds me of a time in little shop I love. In this little shop I purchase quaint Christmas decorations. I go to the till, as I pay the snooty woman behind the counter, says "you can put those bags in the washing machine you know!". I interpret this as get that dirty bag of my gleaming counter - you filthy bitch. I tell the woman than I am well aware that I can wash my bag. Then as I half gallop out of the shop I say very loudly to my Husband "How rude was that!". Keep your gleaming counter to yourself, cow.
Why did it bother me? I don't know. But it brings me back to things that are bad for us. Do we ever have the right to impose our thoughts about the bad choices of others? This may be an extreme way of looking at the sarcastic clean-counter woman comment. But we all do it, we all tell each other how to live our lives. We tell each other why our choices are wrong. We can't accept it, it's mind boggling to us - we convince ourselves that someone who makes these choices must be mentally unstable. What happens when they're not, when they know the man is no good, but don't care. When they know the fags are killing them but don't care, when they are one pint away from a deceased liver. It's human nature, do nothing about our problems but put the world to rights, on our backsides, on the sofa.
Chocolate,cakes and crap in general is killing me. It's killed off the zips on some of my favourite items of clothing. It's killed my perspective, it's killed my desire for a good knees up with the girls. It's funny, I know this is why, but...I have just sent my Husband to the supermarket for 'pudding'. I console myself with the guise that it's ok - it's Sunday, if you can't have dessert on a Sunday when can you? However, there's no excuse for the other 6 days of the week!!
Back to the bag, what on earth shall I do? My shoulder is killing me, I've had a difficult time sleeping because of it, but I can't let it go. I make the excuse that I need a bag this large, I've been using it like a nappy bag lately too. The bigger the bag, the more crap I will inevitably fill it with!
My bag has been heavier lately, I have been back working after my maternity leave. Therefore I need more crap, after a few days I realise, somewhere in Mary Poppins style handbag - there's a can of soup and almost a litre of water. No wonder I'm in agony!!!
Well, the bag is almost dry and I have a pudding to eat!
Ta-rar!
The bag, the back-breaking, shoulder-aching, faster way to get arthritis bag.
The red bag was given to me 3 year years ago by Nan. She claimed the bag was a birthday present. My Nan gave me the bag in September, by birthday is in November. She gave me something else for my birthday so this wasn't actually a present. It turns out the fake birthday present was my Nan saving her skin. My Nan had actually had an expensive bag-buying phase courtesy of QVC. While my Grandad is oblivious to most things, he's not stupid.
I love this bag, but the love of this bag seems to have started a frozen shoulder.
This leads me to ponder... why do we love things that are bad for us?
Men, shoes, smoking, alcohol, chocolate, expensive make-up...
Fortunately I am lucky enough to not have a problem with the first item on my list. Several of my friends however, do.
As I clean out my bag (machine washable - Thank the lord!), I come across receipts, lip gloss - that I thought I had lost, a baby feeding spoon, small change (very small sadly), the odd pen.
As I go through the shrapnel and other crap, it reminds me of a time in little shop I love. In this little shop I purchase quaint Christmas decorations. I go to the till, as I pay the snooty woman behind the counter, says "you can put those bags in the washing machine you know!". I interpret this as get that dirty bag of my gleaming counter - you filthy bitch. I tell the woman than I am well aware that I can wash my bag. Then as I half gallop out of the shop I say very loudly to my Husband "How rude was that!". Keep your gleaming counter to yourself, cow.
Why did it bother me? I don't know. But it brings me back to things that are bad for us. Do we ever have the right to impose our thoughts about the bad choices of others? This may be an extreme way of looking at the sarcastic clean-counter woman comment. But we all do it, we all tell each other how to live our lives. We tell each other why our choices are wrong. We can't accept it, it's mind boggling to us - we convince ourselves that someone who makes these choices must be mentally unstable. What happens when they're not, when they know the man is no good, but don't care. When they know the fags are killing them but don't care, when they are one pint away from a deceased liver. It's human nature, do nothing about our problems but put the world to rights, on our backsides, on the sofa.
Chocolate,cakes and crap in general is killing me. It's killed off the zips on some of my favourite items of clothing. It's killed my perspective, it's killed my desire for a good knees up with the girls. It's funny, I know this is why, but...I have just sent my Husband to the supermarket for 'pudding'. I console myself with the guise that it's ok - it's Sunday, if you can't have dessert on a Sunday when can you? However, there's no excuse for the other 6 days of the week!!
Back to the bag, what on earth shall I do? My shoulder is killing me, I've had a difficult time sleeping because of it, but I can't let it go. I make the excuse that I need a bag this large, I've been using it like a nappy bag lately too. The bigger the bag, the more crap I will inevitably fill it with!
My bag has been heavier lately, I have been back working after my maternity leave. Therefore I need more crap, after a few days I realise, somewhere in Mary Poppins style handbag - there's a can of soup and almost a litre of water. No wonder I'm in agony!!!
Well, the bag is almost dry and I have a pudding to eat!
Ta-rar!
Sunday 11 November 2012
In laws are outlawed part 2
OK,
So said party is over, we bathed cleaned, cooked, ironed and prepared lunches. So I am ready to go into the story.
It started about 3/4 years ago.
There were issues with 2 family members, which I won't go into as it will take me all day...let's just say we think of them as oxygen stealer's. We wouldn't urinate on them if they were on fire (please god hear my prayers)
"Oh he loves his children" Says secret-psycho mother in law. Like that had anything to do with him ripping of £0000's.
But then not all things revolve around the loan, there are issue's with the way they treat my son. They suggested he call them his grandparents - but they treat him very differently to their other Grandchildren. There naughty, naughty Grandchildren who like to stand on windowsills. If they had blonde hair - children of the corn. You know the type I mean.
Now one of the things that makes me want to move to the other side of the world is that it is impossible to talk to these people. Absolutely impossible!! When we point out things they say "we're sorry you feel like that" - In other words we're not sorry, but we want to make it look like we care by offering an apology in which we are neither contrite or accepting responsibility.
So here you have it, the "fauxpology" the fauxpology makes me keep an eye out for old people's homes with cattle prod's. Yes, that's where they will end up, under no circumstances will there be a granny flat on my property...
Yes the fauxpology is the reason that when they are old(er) I will not be running after them. They can walk to whatever hospital or Dr's appointments they have because my car might just break down on those days.
Why do people do this? Anyone who is not a politician should not use the fauxpology, which has been cleverly adapted to "I'm sorry I gave you that impression" "I'm sorry you took it as a lie" etc etc. One of the worst things about the fauxpology is the fact that it is so insulting. Am I stupid, no.. is my husband stupid, no...are they stupid - well you can make your mind up but I'm sure you can guess my stance.
One thing that goes hand-in-hand with the fauxpology is the extremely irritating email. The extremely irritating email is usually very long winded, eloquent, cold worded and of a guilt inducing tone.
Examples, whilst trying to talk (obviously by emails so it gives them time to think up excuses) We tell them we think they are passive aggressive. Their response - to reply with the definition of "passive aggressive" - which we both found to be an extremely passive aggressive response!!
How is it, these people who can pretend by day they are normal, functional people spend their nights with pant's over tights, a cape and a logo on their chests "iec" - which would stand for irritating email couple! Kinda like the incredible s, only much less credible, much more irritating and instead of saving you they take turns to irritate and annoy you to death! They probably believe they are saving the world - one carefully written email at a time.
They go out of their way to make themselves look like caring, reasonable people....the more they do this the more I am reminded of the delusional beliefs they share. Folie a duex!!
I can't understand it, either they really believe that we are stupid. Or they are completely round the hat rack!!
Another example, another email!! We point out that they have ignored the issues we raised. They say they haven't it goes on for a day or two, a good game of email tennis. You see, as they were denying ignoring the points they were trying to make us talk about other things. We flatly refused on the basis that we needed all the information to give a fully consider response. They still say "we've answered your points" they say this until we tell them we will completely withdraw from the stressful saga. Guess what!!! All of a sudden they realise they haven't replied!! And "ping" a reply. As usual long winded tosh, but it was a minor victory for us.
This is because along with the faux apology is the deflection. I wasn't going to let them get away with it this time. The horns are locked, there will be casualties oh yes. I am sure of that, in fact I'm counting on it!!!
So said party is over, we bathed cleaned, cooked, ironed and prepared lunches. So I am ready to go into the story.
It started about 3/4 years ago.
There were issues with 2 family members, which I won't go into as it will take me all day...let's just say we think of them as oxygen stealer's. We wouldn't urinate on them if they were on fire (please god hear my prayers)
"Oh he loves his children" Says secret-psycho mother in law. Like that had anything to do with him ripping of £0000's.
But then not all things revolve around the loan, there are issue's with the way they treat my son. They suggested he call them his grandparents - but they treat him very differently to their other Grandchildren. There naughty, naughty Grandchildren who like to stand on windowsills. If they had blonde hair - children of the corn. You know the type I mean.
Now one of the things that makes me want to move to the other side of the world is that it is impossible to talk to these people. Absolutely impossible!! When we point out things they say "we're sorry you feel like that" - In other words we're not sorry, but we want to make it look like we care by offering an apology in which we are neither contrite or accepting responsibility.
So here you have it, the "fauxpology" the fauxpology makes me keep an eye out for old people's homes with cattle prod's. Yes, that's where they will end up, under no circumstances will there be a granny flat on my property...
Yes the fauxpology is the reason that when they are old(er) I will not be running after them. They can walk to whatever hospital or Dr's appointments they have because my car might just break down on those days.
Why do people do this? Anyone who is not a politician should not use the fauxpology, which has been cleverly adapted to "I'm sorry I gave you that impression" "I'm sorry you took it as a lie" etc etc. One of the worst things about the fauxpology is the fact that it is so insulting. Am I stupid, no.. is my husband stupid, no...are they stupid - well you can make your mind up but I'm sure you can guess my stance.
One thing that goes hand-in-hand with the fauxpology is the extremely irritating email. The extremely irritating email is usually very long winded, eloquent, cold worded and of a guilt inducing tone.
Examples, whilst trying to talk (obviously by emails so it gives them time to think up excuses) We tell them we think they are passive aggressive. Their response - to reply with the definition of "passive aggressive" - which we both found to be an extremely passive aggressive response!!
How is it, these people who can pretend by day they are normal, functional people spend their nights with pant's over tights, a cape and a logo on their chests "iec" - which would stand for irritating email couple! Kinda like the incredible s, only much less credible, much more irritating and instead of saving you they take turns to irritate and annoy you to death! They probably believe they are saving the world - one carefully written email at a time.
They go out of their way to make themselves look like caring, reasonable people....the more they do this the more I am reminded of the delusional beliefs they share. Folie a duex!!
I can't understand it, either they really believe that we are stupid. Or they are completely round the hat rack!!
Another example, another email!! We point out that they have ignored the issues we raised. They say they haven't it goes on for a day or two, a good game of email tennis. You see, as they were denying ignoring the points they were trying to make us talk about other things. We flatly refused on the basis that we needed all the information to give a fully consider response. They still say "we've answered your points" they say this until we tell them we will completely withdraw from the stressful saga. Guess what!!! All of a sudden they realise they haven't replied!! And "ping" a reply. As usual long winded tosh, but it was a minor victory for us.
This is because along with the faux apology is the deflection. I wasn't going to let them get away with it this time. The horns are locked, there will be casualties oh yes. I am sure of that, in fact I'm counting on it!!!
The in laws are outlawed.
So here I am, Sunday afternoon...
I've resorted to a blog to vent, so here's problem number 1;
The in laws...
I know this is such a cliche, but most well-known cliche's are built on some long-standing fact or problem.
Here's the problem; I don't hate them...I want to, but I don't. They drive me so irrationally crazy and behind there fake smiles and faux apologies I have been driven to wonder...are there two psychopath's ready to break out. They would charm people into thinking they're harmless using long winded conversation and old fashioned "sensible" shoes. Then, when they've invited you round for a "nice meal" they pounce.... Using the antique letter opener to slice off your head. They did this to me, not the letter opener but still! Wolves in sheep's clothing is my term for them. (Well we secretly call my father in the tin man..)
These people act like respectable, nice understanding people. If you take the time (as i have been forced to over the years) the façade crumbles. What to you ask?? Make yourself a large coffee,glass of wine, roll yourself a fag and pull up a pew...this could take a while!!!
They are crazy..plain nuts!! They are passive aggressive, insulting and down right mean. My mother in law has a special power, she can insult you in a way which makes you feel you've been complimented. By the time you've realised she's serving up the best roast you've ever tasted (annoying) feeling smug, and pouring the obligatory with-a-meal-glass-of-wine, all with a huge fake smile plastered on her face. What the hell is that all about???
My father in law also possesses a power of his own, he told me he used to read his children their bed time stories....this doesn't surprise me at all. He must be the most boring, long winded , self righteous creature I have ever known.!!
How did I get to feeling like this? I will explain later, but for now I have a children's birthday party to attend!
"somebodyshootmenow!"
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